Abusive Relationships

There was one interesting case, when I worked in the jail, which dealt with a woman who shot her husband. She was not mentally ill, however as mental health saw all high-profile cases, I did interview her. She was in a good mood and seemed very prepared to do the time for her crime.
“It was worth it,” she said. “You should have seen his face when I pulled out the gun. He laughed at me, until I shot his knee out. He wasn’t laughing after that, though I was. I laughed and laughed. I shot him three more times and watched him squirm on the floor. I told him to beg for his life and he spit at me. Can you believe he actually spit in my face? I shot him in the head then. It was wonderful seeing him fall over, knowing he would never get up or hurt me again.” She paused, looked around her, then continued. “And, I have the satisfaction of knowing he went straight to hell, the mean son of a bitch. He was a piece of shit, beat me for years and treated me worse than an animal.” She took a long breath then said, “I was so depressed with my life, that I went to see a psychiatrist. She hooked me up with a group for abused
women. Those meetings made me feel so empowered. They made me feel as if I could still have a life, that I could leave my husband and move on. But that wasn’t what I wanted to do. I wanted to see him suffer and die. Wonderful those meetings, made me the person I am today,” and she laughed. Excerpt from my book “And Some Will Triumph”
Are you in an abusive relationship? Are you afraid of the person you are living with or your significant other? Do you feel it was your fault when he yells at you, calling you stupid or hits you? Do you feel like you are walking on egg shells all the time, never knowing what will upset him, afraid to say or do anything? Do you think that since he just yells at you, that he will never hit you?
As most abusers are men, I am going to use he. That is not to say that there are not men out there that are abused, there are, but for my purposes, I will be using he. Let me tell you how it usually goes. At the beginning of the relationship, he will try to isolate you from your family and friends. He will either convince you that they don’t like him and he feels put down by them, making you feel sorry for him and wanting to protect his feelings, or that they don’t care for you and are putting you down. This is, of course, a ruse. But trust me, he will make it sound very believable. During this time, he will be good to you, take you to dinner and be very attentive. He will compliment you, call you beautiful and make you feel important and cherished. It is all part of the plan and that will change once he has isolated you. Soon, he will make you feel that the only person who cares about you is him. He will make you feel that you are unworthy of love and only he can love you. “See how your family and friends don’t call or invite you over anymore, they don’t care about you, only I do” he might say, though it was he who actually separated you. However, if you point that out, he will become upset and you will probably back down. After all, things have been going so well. So, his campaign will continue, he will break you down little by little, day by day, till you don’t know who you are anymore. Eventually, you will look in the mirror and not recognize yourself. He is a control freak and he will try to manage every aspect of your life.
There is a routine to this macabre dance. He will blame you for everything that goes wrong in his life and to keep the peace you will let him and soon even believe him. Work not going well, your fault, he got drunk, again because of you. He will take no responsibility for his actions. Eventually you will learn to hate not only him, but yourself. You might call it love, but trust me, it is not.
These manipulators of your soul will be charming, especially after the abuse. This is called the honeymoon period. He will tell you how sorry he is, how it will never happen again. He might even cry. But it will happen again and again and verbal abuse will become physical. And each time you don’t leave, each day you stay, he will become bolder until the charm will stop completely and there will only be abuse.
This is a sad and very dangerous situation to be in, so if you are in an abusive relationship, do try to reach out to someone, a hotline perhaps or if you fear for your life, a shelter. It will not get better and you may find yourself that person in the jail.

Posted in Abusive Relationships and tagged .

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *